he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
