hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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