I'm jealous of your bromance
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
