Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
only you would photoshop your dick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
