I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
