Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
