I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
