I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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