i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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