You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
