The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
