areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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