Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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