I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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