five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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