i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
