I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
