it was like his penis was on wheels.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
