youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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