This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
