nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
