She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
