You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
