I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
