Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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