then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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