Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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