I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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