so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
