Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
