dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize