I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
