If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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