morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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