...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why do cheetos always look like penises
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
