Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize