Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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