i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
