so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she pinky promised me she was 18
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
