My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
