The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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