On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
