You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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