Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Fuck appropriateness.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
