She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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