It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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