shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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