I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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