How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
