You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize