I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
