Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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