My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He passed out mid-signature
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
