i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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