i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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