The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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