Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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